What Is Going On Here?
by Belle of the Ball
Summary: What the h*** is going on? Harry's ghetto, Ron is having a tea party with dolls, and Malfoy is a little too mencaing!!! What is the world coming to?! Is nothing sacred?
1. Default Chapter

Hi again. I just started on my Lily and James fic. I was going to keep working on it but I realized how very hyper I am right now. So I thought, I'll write a hyper story!!! Yay!!!! Hehehe, oh the plans I have for my dear little Harry Potter characters… MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Don't you see the craziness? That is why I am working on this crazy story instead of my Lily and James fic or "The American Dream". Hehe, on with the show! ON WITH THE SHOW! ON WITH THE SHOW!!! (I'm beginning to wonder why I typed that so many times…)  
  
1 Chapter 1  
  
Harry Potter was sitting in the Great Hall. He was wearing a bandana on his head and he looked… well, he looked pretty stupid. He was had torn his robes and he kept bopping his head up and down, like he was listening to some imaginary music.  
  
Hermione came up to him and asked, "Harry? What's wrong with you?"  
  
He looked at her and said, "Yo 'Mione. Wad up dogg?" Hermione looked at him like he was crazy.  
  
"Harry, what are you talking about? I'm not a dog!" Ron tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Harry thinks he's ghetto."  
  
Hermione looked at him, "Ghetto?"  
  
"You know, living with his homies or something…"  
  
Harry said, "My homies, yo!" Malfoy came up to them. He stared at them menacingly. Oh so very menacingly. SO menacingly, you won't even believe it!  
  
Malfoy said, in his menacing voice, "What's wrong with you, Potter?"  
  
Ron said, "Harry thinks that he's ghetto."  
  
Malfoy aid, and yes, he is still menacing, "Ghetto? He's British!"  
  
Harry yelled, "You think me nationality can stop the music in my heart, you are so wrong man!" Malfoy stared at him, even more menacingly than before.  
  
"Potter, if I thought you were a git before, I don't even know what I think of you now!"  
  
Harry asked, "Do you think I'm ghetto?"  
  
Malfoy said, menacingly (god, how many times have I said menacingly?), "Of course not, you git! You could never be ghetto!"  
  
Harry looked down, dejected, "You are not a part of the universal music, man. You interrupt the music, man!!!"  
  
Ron said, "Well, this just insane. If you wouldn't mind, I need to get back to my tea party." Everyone looked and noticed Ron seemed to be having tea with whole bunch of dolls and stuffed animals.  
  
Malfoy said, in that menacing way that he says things, "You're having a tea party?! With stuffed animals and dolls?"  
  
Ron said, "Yes. It helps bring out the inner child in me."  
  
Harry said, "Yeah, man! You know the music!"  
  
Malfoy said (yes, still menacing), "Well, if you're going to have a tea party, at least do it right. See, you have the owl and the mouse stuffed animals sitting next to each other. You'll never have a good tea party that way! The owl will keep trying to eat the mouse!"  
  
Ron stared at the two stuffed animals for a second, "Well, I guess you're right there."  
  
Harry hit him in the side of the head, "What were you thinking, man? Trying to mess up the universal music?"  
  
Ron said, "Yeah, you and your universal music…"  
  
Hermione asked, "Am I the only one of us who hasn't gone completely crazy?!"  
  
Malfoy cocked his head and said oh so menacingly, "Yes, yes you are." At this point I decide to come into the story. I walked up to them all and waved.  
  
Hermione asked, "Who are you?"  
  
I said, "I'm the blue fairy."  
  
Malfoy asked, "Really?"  
  
I said, "No, my name's actually Jillian. Nice to meet you all."  
  
Harry asked, "You don't sound like you're from this hood." I stared at him for a second.  
  
"I'm not. I'm from America."  
  
Ron asked, "How'd you get here so fast?"  
  
I said, "I just decided to put myself in the story. I want to have fun too!"  
  
Harry asked, "Story? What you talkin' about?"  
  
I said, "You guys, I think it's time we had a talk. You see, there comes a time in every storybook character's life where they found out many new things about themselves. Now, I have to tell you, you don't exist. I know it may be hard to deal with, but I'd rather we went through a little pain now than a terrible heartbreak later."  
  
Hermione said, "We're not real? How is that possible?"  
  
I said, "I don't know, Hermione, I don't know."  
  
Ron yelled, "MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!!!" I put on a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"Poor, poor little thing."  
  
Malfoy said, "But if we're not real, how are you talking to us right now?"  
  
I said, "Because you're not really talking to me. I'M at my computer writing this screwed up story. But let's get on with the story!"  
  
Ron said, "But how are we supposed to go on after you told us such a big thing?"  
  
I said, "Because, it's my story. I can make you do whatever I want to. Like, Hermione. I would make her ride on a unicycle and juggle pies and bowling pins." Hermione began riding a unicycle and juggling pies and bowling pins. "I can make her fall down too."  
  
Hermione yelled, "AAHH!!!" And she fell down, getting hit by several pies.  
  
I said, "See?" They all nodded, feeling a little afraid of me. Want to know how I knew they were afraid? Because I'm the one writing the story!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Malfoy stared menacingly at me, "Well, what do you want to do now?"  
  
I said, "I want to talk to YOU, Malfoy. Did your mother drop you on your head as a child?"  
  
Malfoy exclaimed, "Of course not! Why would you ask that?"  
  
I shrugged and said, "Well, I've just always wanted to ask someone that. Here's another question. How do you always stare at people in that menacing way that you do?"  
  
Malfoy said, "I have no idea what you're talking about!"  
  
I said, "Sure you do." Everyone tried to imitate Malfoy's menacingness.  
  
Malfoy yelled, "Stop laughing at me!!! I have low self esteem, okay?"  
  
I said, "Poor thing. You should see someone about that."  
  
Harry said, "I can help you find the universal music, man!"  
  
Malfoy asked, "Really?"  
  
Harry said, "Yes. It's just that you have to build your house with stones, yo."  
  
Ron said, "Huh?"  
  
Harry yelled, "Don't interrupt me, man!"  
  
I said, "Oooh, Harry's feisty when he's ghetto. I like that."  
  
"Yes, I am, man! So let's get on with the finding of the universal music, yo!"  
  
And that is all I'm going to write. Short chapter, yes. But COMPLETEY insane!!! I doubt any of you will like this. This is just a weird hyper little outburst. It was fun, hehe. Cya later! 


	2. Chapter 2

Hello poppets! I am hyper yet again! So I decided to work on my hyper story! My story's hyper and so am I! What a coincidence! I don't care what you say, Ben. I'm going to write as many chapters as I feel like writing! Yay! So, let the madness begin!  
  
1 Chapter 2  
  
Harry and Draco were enthralled in conversation. Ron was currently chasing me since I had stolen one of his dolls. Ron yelled, "Give it back! That was gift from my late Grandmamma!" I laughed.  
  
Harry was saying to Draco, "It's like you are a guitar, man. You could make great music but you are so out of tune, yo. But I am the magical tuner, man!" Draco nodded.  
  
"Tune me, please!"  
  
"All in good time, yo." Ron was beginning to get very annoyed with me.  
  
"Give me back Miss Polly Pants!!!"  
  
I laughed menacingly (I'm the menacing one now!), "No!"  
  
Then Dumbledore came into the Great Hall. I thought, ooh, the authority is going to get me. So I gave Ronikins his doll back. I shouldn't have worried. Dumbledore was getting very crotchety in his old age. I doubt he would have even noticed I had taken Ron's precious little dolly.  
  
Dumbledore said, "Well, hello children! What game are we playing today?"  
  
Harry said, "I'm teaching Malfoy de universal music, man!" Dumbledore ruffled his hair.  
  
"Now isn't that nice?" He stared at me. "Who are you?"  
  
I said, "Name's Jillian. And you're Dumbledore, right?"  
  
"How did you know?" He looked at me weirdly, "You're not psychic, are you?"  
  
"Well, actually, I am. But that's beside the point. I read about you in a book. You look really different then I pictured you. Aren't you supposed to look youthful even though you're so old? You look like you're just about to fall over and die!"  
  
"Death is but a part of the long road we walk."  
  
"Er, yeah. Okay." Hermione came in. I don't know where she was. But since I haven't had her say anything, I assume she was gone.  
  
She sat at the table, "So, JILLIAN, why are you really here?"  
  
I said, "Oh, a sharp one you are. Aside from the fact that I wanted to spice up my story a little, I wanted to tell you the evil is afoot."  
  
Dumbledore stared at me and screamed, "Evil! EVIL!!!" And then he went running down the hall like the insane old man that he was.  
  
I asked, "What's wrong with him?"  
  
Ron shrugged, "Dunno. He just started acting like that a little while ago. I think his old age is finally catching up with him." I nodded.  
  
Hermione asked, "What kind of evil?"  
  
"Well, what kind of evil USUALLY is in these books?" Harry stopped talking to Draco and looked at me.  
  
"It's not Voldemort, is it?"  
  
Ron squealed and said, "Don't say his name!"  
  
I looked at Ron at said, "God, you're a sissy. It's a word! It won't harm you! So just shut up about it!" Ron looked down.  
  
"You shut up…"  
  
I sighed, "Anyway, yes. As always, it IS Voldemort. He's out there doing all that evil stuff he does. He even stole a little kid's lollipop the other day!" They all gasped.  
  
Ron said, "No!"  
  
I said, "Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"All right, fine…"  
  
I looked at Ron, "You know, you're starting to get on my nerves."  
  
Ron looked down, "I'm sorry."  
  
I continued, "Anyway, I know for a fact that he's coming to Hogwarts in two weeks."  
  
Harry exclaimed, "Whoa, man!" I nodded.  
  
"You said it. Anyway, so we can use these three weeks to prepare." We all sat in a sinister silence.  
  
Malfoy yelled, "AAHHH!!!"  
  
Hermione asked, "What? What is it?"  
  
Malfoy said, "There was a silence. I screamed for all of us." We all nodded in understanding.  
  
I said, "So, we have some things to do."  
  
Ron asked, "How do you know all this?"  
  
I asked, "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm the WRITER. I know everything that's going to happen. I know how the story's going to end, who's going to win, and I know that Hermione is about to trip over that banana on the floor."  
  
Hermione tripped and screamed, "AAHH!!!" She fell on her bum. "I tripped and fell on my bum!" I grinned.  
  
"I know! I am all-knowing."  
  
Harry said, "You know de universal music, man?"  
  
I said, "No! There isn't any universal music! And I'm getting sick of all your stupid ghetto crap! At least for now, you're not ghetto anymore." Harry blinked. He looked around.  
  
"Wow. Thanks. I was really getting sick of all that myself." Everyone else nodded in agreement.  
  
Hermione asked, "So what should we do about the evil?"  
  
I said, "I don't know, Hermione. Why don't you serenade us with a song?"  
  
"How would that help?"  
  
I shrugged, "It probably wouldn't. But do it anyway."  
  
Hermione said, "No! That's COMPLETELY idiotic!"  
  
I stared at her menacingly, "Do you want to fall over again? It'll be for the third time today." Hermione sighed.  
  
"Fine." She began to sing, "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore! When you sing ding a ling a ling, when you sing, Isabella!"  
  
We all swayed to the music. Hermione's voice isn't half bad. It's ALMOST half bad. Not quite, though. Dumbledore came back in. He seemed as though he had recovered from his moment of insanity earlier.  
  
He asked, "Oh, is Hermione singing a little ditty?" We all nodded. "Isn't that nice?"  
  
I said to Hermione, "You can stop singing now. Now we need to have a discussion."  
  
Dumbledore asked, "Discuss what?"  
  
I said, "You know, the evil." Dumbledore stared at her.  
  
"Evil! EVIL!!!" And he went running and jumped out the window. We all stared after him for a minute.  
  
After a while, I said, "ANYWAY, back to what I was talking about. You'll have to learn the great new magic olden day people."  
  
Hermione said, "But that doesn't make sense!"  
  
I said, "No, no it doesn't. But that's just WHY it makes sense. Don't you see?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then my job is done. Anyway, let's continue the conversation." Hermione stared at me like I was crazy. I guess she had a right to. That's why I didn't make her fall over again.  
  
Ron said, "But who will show us the way to Babylon?"  
  
I said importantly, "I will, my friend. And while I'm at it, I'll teach you all some new magic tricks! Of we go!"  
  
Okay, I'm done. My hyperness is wearing off so I'll have to put everything else in the next chapter. Wow, this chapter is really short. Oh well! It's insane! And that's all that matters! I hope you all like this! Au revoir! 


End file.
